Giving Birth To My Rainbow Baby ~ Maeve

Just as each baby is different, so is each birth. As we move further and further away from a village mentality around parenthood, I believe it has become more and more important to hear other parents’ birth stories - both the good and the bad. Birth has become such a place of fear, and I think part of that is due to the lack of discussion around it. I love each of my births and I will gladly share them for those who are interested in birth or for my readers that may be expecting as well. This post is dedicated to the birth of my second daughter, Maeve Erin Liggett.

After my the birth of my first daughter, I wanted something with a little more control over my own body. You can read about Evelyn’s birth story here. Not to say our first birth was traumatic by any means, but after looking back on it there was a lot that was not consented to beforehand and a lot of subconscious influence. So I began looking into home birthing options, stories, readings, educating myself on everything I needed to know. What I wasn't prepared for was that there was only one home birthing midwife out where we currently live and home-birthing is not usually covered under insurance. I was devastated that it wouldn't be an option. After meeting my birthing team, however, my perspective began to switch. This team has been amazing from my miscarriage through this pregnancy and birth and I'm so thankful towards them!

My first birth was an induction and it went by so slowly, that I didn't know what to expect this time around. I had been having pelvic bone pain due to how low she was since the beginning of my third trimester. I came across Ina May's recommendation to do 100 squats up to birth. At first I thought that was an insane amount and who could realistically do that in one day. Then some crazy part of me took that challenge. By day 2, my pelvic pain was gone!

I had some mild Braxton Hicks off and on for a while, then on December 27th my pelvic pain came back with a vengeance for no reason. I couldn't even walk up and down the stairs, which is very important in our 2 story home! Our fire burning furnace is in the basement and our only bathroom is on the top floor, you could imagine the struggle. Thankfully, my husband Charlie was home so I tagged him in and sat in the bath. I wasn’t sure if this was a sign and the pain sent my husband into a panic. While I was in the tub, my daughter played besides me and Charlie ran around the house packing his bag. After a few hours, my pain went back to a manageable amount.

Tuesday, January 3rd, my mom started the 9 hour drive up to our house. Everything I had been subconsciously holding in, was finally coming out. My Braxton Hicks were beginning to intensify and come closer and my body began cleaning itself out. The morning of January 4th, I had my 39 week checkup. My midwife really checked the baby that time around, like pushed my uterus more than she had previously, and it sent my body straight into contractions. We were finally baking our Christmas cookies that afternoon since my mom was here and the rest of our family would be coming up soon! The whole time we were baking, my contractions were quite intense. They weren't painful enough that I couldn't talk, but they were strong enough to feel during my tasks. We were all joking about how we were baking all these cookies so close to my due date, but I wasn’t worried. From everything I knew and read about birth, it wasn’t fast so I shouldn’t worry. Right?

The morning of the fifth, my contractions seemingly disappeared. We headed to Walmart to stock up on some groceries and meal plan for dinners. Evidently all the baking the day before wore my body out and I had to head straight to the tub shortly after getting back. As soon as I touched the water, my contractions began again. 5 minutes apart, and for 30 seconds. It stayed like that for the rest of the day and the morning of January 6th.

The morning of the 6th, we woke up to a stunning sunrise for the first time in forever. Our previous pregnancy was lost in a sky of clouds and the day I had my miscarriage, the sun shone bright and a rainbow cloud lit the sky two different times. Once in the morning for my husband on the way to work, and once for me in the evening headed to meet family for support. With the rainbow-like sunrise, I thought "how ironic would it be if today was the day."

At 12:06pm January 6th, I messaged Charlie at work that my pains are so bad. They had moved from my stomach to my pelvic region. At 12:30pm I texted him again that I think my mucus plug was coming away. Contractions are now so painful that it's hard to talk, but still only for 30 seconds. Despite everyone saying I should call, I decide to hop in the shower and finish packing my bag first. Contractions are now 2-3 minutes apart and 30-40 seconds long. I finally call and the nurse tells me to come in.

Our hospital is 30 minutes away, and I'm doubting we are in active labor just yet. So I start filling Evelyn's backpack with activities and snacks to keep her busy, grabbing everything we need (I somehow still forgot my toothbrush), Evelyn is running around the house refusing to put her snow boots on, and my mom is panicking because we are just taking our time!

2:48 pm, we arrive at the hospital and get checked in. I'm dilated to 4cm and can't get off the toilet. TMI but I totally pooped the bed last time and I wasn't letting that happen this time! The nurse struggles to get a hold of the midwife and they can't start my water-bath until the midwife arrives. So, I'm bouncing through each contraction on a birthing ball. By the time I'm able to get back out of the bathroom, I can barely get into position before I start feeling the urge to push.

In between roaring contractions, I manage to get on my knees with my arms and head on top of the bed, my water tub still filling in the background. I hear Charlie seemingly so distant away say “Your tub is full Searra, if you want to get it.” I could have gotten into my tub, but the midwife said that sometimes lifting the leg over the tub wall is the key to pushing this late in the game, and that's exactly how I felt. I said I needed to get onto my side and raise my leg. My amazing nurse held my leg for me and let me squeeze her arm through each contraction. Unlike my birth with Evelyn, this birth was far from quiet. It was loud, I felt so much like I on the edge of being primal. All the while, my mother is with Evelyn walking her through my birth and Charlie is able to get pictures that we didn't get the first time around. I feel so bad that I had Charlie taking pictures and I should have been squeezing his arm instead of my nurse’s, but I will treasure these pictures always. I love how they all came out and I’m so thankful for them! Although I feel as if I’m on the edge of screaming my head off, later everyone in the room told me that I wasn’t really that loud at all. With each contraction, I want to scream. Then I remember all those videos I watched and turned my breathing into a low moan.

Then it starts, the burning pain. The ring of fire. I begin questioning whether I'll actually be able to push her out. I'm second guessing everything at this point. Why didn't I ask for medication, will I tear again, what if she gets stuck because I'm so scared. "You were made for this, you are doing a beautiful job! With this next contraction, I want you to push." My midwife says. “It burns!” I reply. “It’s supposed to” she says calmly. If she's not worried, then why am I? So I let go of control. I begin breathing ‘up’ and letting my body do what it already knows to do. 4:34pm our little baby girl is earth side and in my arms. I never got to get into my water bath, and it hurt a lot more this time around, but it was so beautiful.

Recovery has been amazing too. I was able to get up and walk around without needing help. I'm not delusional from tiredness or drugs. My team listened to me the whole time and didn't dismiss my pain this time. It's been amazing!

I have watched a family on YouTube for a few years now. She's given birth to all her babies at home and she's been able to decide when each of her babies have been born. I said that was absolutely wild, but I'm going to try it! The past couple days I had been setting my mind on an afternoon birth. We needed to make it through the work week so Charlie could get all his big projects done in time, and I think I did a pretty good job at waiting as close as I could!

I did not think we would be having a baby within a few hours of arrival. I thought I was going to be sent back home to labor. I had just gotten off the phone with my grandma, my mom cut my hair that morning, I didn't even get to pack my snacks! But our baby is here!

Let's not forget her sister! One of the main reasons I wanted a homebirth was to have Evelyn there by our side. I wanted to get rid of the illusion that her parents just go to the hospital and magically come home with a baby. It was amazing being able to get a little cleaned up after birth and have Evelyn sit right on the bed to meet her sister right away! She was infatuated, never leaving her side. Around 6pm, she started to lose the oxytocin high and become a regular wild preschooler again and I said maybe it was time to get some fresh air. Charlie helps my mom get her to the car and she was devastated she had to go home! After crying the whole way home, she told my mom that we were taking too long to come home. She's been an amazing support this whole pregnancy and I can't wait to see how amazing of a big sister she will be.